I don’t even know where to begin.
It’s not my intent to indict people or judge anyone. Not at all. I’m not the judge. I’m not trying to make anyone look bad (which I will no doubt be accused of, despite my preface stating otherwise). Please understand that. If you’re not the understanding type, feel free to please see yourself out after leaving a nasty comment that I will delete. Hehe.
Growing up, I subscribed to a theology was… wide of the mark. Marginal, for lack of a better term. I was aware on some strictly academic level that not many people believed what I did. But that didn’t bother me. Any Christian believes himself or herself to rightly divide the word of truth as 2 Timothy 2:15 says, but really we tend to get it wrong on a lot of issues. It takes a good bit of humility to set down the lens through which we view the Scriptures and gain a new (and hopefully more right!) perspective.
At some point as an adult, I began to learn that the history of faith and the immense value of that history. That Luther built on the foundation that Augustine laid and Bonhoeffer built off of Luther. Simultaneously, I began to realize that if only a small number of those who professed faith in Christ believed what I believed, I was probably wrong on some level.
It was a little bit difficult to adjust my thinking. Some things were very deeply ingrained in me and I wasn’t sure how to interpret the Bible through any other lens. It’s been hard to sort through all of it. I know all the “right” answers from before. But at some point it clicked that if some pastors or apostles were saying that what I believed was demonic, or potentially damnable heresy, it was best to give it some distance. At the very least, I needed to at least reexamine using a very harsh light.
That is what I’ve been doing. It has been difficult. I debate myself to figure out if I can hold my own with my new, theologically accurate beliefs. I can’t yet. I don’t know how to even read verses without making faulty and immautre associations. I’m ok with that. In a sense, it’s like being a new Christian all over again. And it’s really frustrating. Because I don’t know enough about what the Scripture really means to defend what I now know to be a better lens.
I think this discomfort is good for me. I was not chosen to fix everyone. Jesus can do that. The focus of the Gospel and Jesus’ mission was not about this life. Trying to convince everyone of this is pointless. People want to believe what they want to believe. My job is to walk in truth. I’m thankful that by the grace of God I am more able to do that now than I ever have been before.