Learning to love the in between

I’ve said (written) here before that I can’t stand not knowing. That I’d rather have dismal odds for my entire life than to just not know. Statistics were often my functional god. That’s what I trusted in most. I abhor the in between.

But it’s funny how the Holy Spirit works in our lives to break down those dependencies on other gods and gets us to focus on him. So many times I’ve heard “but we have the mind of Christ!” thrown out, meaning to the speaker that anything Jesus knows, we can know. While I have no doubt God shares his plans with some (I’d quote the only verse that comes to mind but I think it’s out of context) that’s not how he tends to operate, judging for Scripture. When he called Moses from the burning bush, he didn’t lay out the Ten Plague Plan. He said “go to Egypt and I’ll take care of the rest“. When Jesus called Peter, he didn’t say, “you’re going to deny me, bounce back, preach an awesome sermons so that thousands of people accept me in one afternoon, be a total hypocrite in front of the Jewish Christians, write some of the Bible and then be crucified upside down”. He said “Follow me.” When he called Paul, he didn’t say “You’re going to touch pieces of cloth that will be placed on other people and they’ll be healed, but you yourself won’t be healed.” He said “Go into town and we’ll go from there.”

So maybe that verse about having the mind of the Christ is about knowing the future, but not a lot in Scripture really backs that up. God usually calls first, gives the Holy Spirit but the lights usually don’t come on until our time here is done. It isn’t often that someone is handed the CliffsNotes for their journey with Christ right when they start it. Or ever, for that matter.

There are so many things about being a parent, like being a spouse, that are complete unknowns. I know nothing of my son’s temperament, his future health, his sinful proclivities. I can’t plan for all the variables because there are simply too many to list, never mind organize. On top of all that, I don’t know where we will be living in six months. We might still be here, we may be on the east side of Seattle. Portland and Yakima are currently on the table as well.

I’m being forced to live in the in between.

And you know what? It doesn’t suck.

On some level it’s overwhelming to have no clue where we will be or when we will be there when you have a child coming. But I had to ask myself today: who cares if the nursery isn’t done until my son is three months old? Surely you, dear reader, are incapable of caring any less about something so trivial and without consequence. And who cares if I don’t have a pediatrician? I could look in Seattle but that could be a major waste of time if we don’t live here. I could look in Portland but I don’t know what insurance we’ll have. I figure Yakima only has a couple of options anyway. We could end up living on Planet X and only the Lord knows if they even have pediatricians there!

The point is, that’s not the point. I don’t know what will happen in a month. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow. And I don’t have to do anything about it but trust. I’m not in control of all of this anyway. And PTL for that! Yes, we continue to pray for guidance, instruction, open doors of opportunity. But if I’m still in limbo on September 1st, holding my son with no nursery, no pediatrician and no plan, I won’t be lost. And for a girl who hates the in between, that’s damn good news.


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