Needed to take a little break to clear my head! But the disappointment has lifted at least temporarily and I’m having a moment of clarity. I wasn’t going to write about this for a while because I wasn’t quite sure what to say but seeing as I am of clear mind for the present moment, I should share what I am learning. Or rather what I knew but now am being allowed to put into practice.
1) God doesn’t owe me anything.
Not a good life.
Not an explanation.
Everything he gives is a gift of grace. I deserve hell but he gave me Jesus.
2) When my question to God is “why?” His answer is “do you trust me?”
I have spent a good deal of time asking if we made the right choice moving here. Honestly, not moving here would have been unwise. Everything worked out exactly when it needed to for us to make this transition. Down to the very day Dillinger was born. For all the information I have, we absolutely made the right choice. Which means that where we are right now is where we are supposed to be, regardless of circumstances. Makes ZERO sense to me but that’s what it is.
3) I do not have the right to be angry. At the end of the book bearing his name, God asks Job a series of 80 questions. This after Job had spent some significant time questioning why he was suffering. The questions God asks put Job in his place, essentially stating that God didn’t need to consult Job in creating the planet and he did not need to defend himself when it came to Job’s suffering. By the grace of God, very few of us ever have to experience loss as devastating as what Job went through.
The Lord gives and The Lord takes away, Blessed be the name of The Lord.
4) I am not the main character in God’s story.
I don’t even have a starring role. I am not listed in the credits. The story does not revolve around me. If God can get more glory through our current experience than if everything had worked out the way we hoped? So be it.
Life has its difficult seasons, sure. As John Piper says, what is 80 years of suffering compared to eternal glory? Puts a lot of things in perspective for me.