The Unthankful List

One of those times when I am not feeling very thankful. Boo hiss.

I’ve been laying in the guest bedroom at my in laws’ for over two hours with Dillinger. Pretty sure he’s sick. His nose has been running and now he’s getting congested. He will sleep on my chest and screams if I move him even right next to me. There’s a pile of our stuff right outside the door that needs to be sorted so this was not how I was hoping to spend my evening. I know that I’m supposed to treasure every freaking moment because Sandy Hook could happen to anyone and all that but honestly I’m maxed out. Seeing your baby sick sucks plenty when you’re employed and can afford to pay rent. If only we were that lucky.

Tomorrow is our last day with insurance for the foreseeable future which is a huge stressor for me. Not so much for N and myself but definitely for Dillinger. Thankfully we are currently in Portland, which is full of urgent care clinics if we need them. I guess he’ll just be behind on his immunizations for the rest of the year and we’ll just pray and hope God is gracious enough to keep us from any major illness or accidents for the next six or so months. I wouldn’t be opposed to putting Dillinger on state insurance but we aren’t really residents of any state we’ll be living in. The whole situation just makes me want to cuss. A lot.

I feel like such a witch for complaining. I really do. There’s a roof over our head, money coming in (albeit much less than last year) and food to eat. I don’t have to worry about gunshots or riots or how I’ll feed my kid. At the same time, it feels dishonest to act like everything is awesome when the rug gets pulled out from under you.

Our good friends are taking us to lunch tomorrow because we haven’t seen them in a while and because we are on a “lets go to coffee” budget as opposed to a “lets go to lunch” budget. The people in our lives are beyond generous in every way. I’m excited to see them and am sure I’ll be in better spirits by then.

For now, I’ll just keep wishing I was sipping a mojito… Or three. :)



Filed under personal

7 responses to “The Unthankful List

  1. at least your’re not in Tacoma…

  2. I’m pretty sure that you can get shots without insurance. You all were current on your shots and we did not have insurance until Snappy was born.

  3. I don’t mean this to be cheesy, or worse, insensitive–because I have gone several years without insurance and paid thousands of dollars out of pocket (unexpectedly) and it was slightly terrifying–even *without* worrying over my child! But I think as children of God we are meant to remind each other of the truths we know and God’s promises during points of uncertainty because, of course, they are times of uncertainty. So be certain! — You do have a kind of insurance in God’s promises… and you’ll have to rely on it heavily right now. So think of God’s promises to you and meditate on them.

    Romans 8:28: “All things work together for good for them that love Christ, who have been called according to his purpose.” We’re sometimes not at peace with an insurance like that and can worry, but the Lord does say: “My God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19) And Matthew 7:11: “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?”

    So what to do until the needs are fulfilled? “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:6-7

    Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want– “If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!” Matthew 7:11 But remember to give thanks in all things to the Lord…because some of them are like a silver refining process. “And I will put this third into the fire, and refine them as one refines silver, and test them as gold is tested. They will call upon my name, and I will answer them. I will say, ‘They are my people’; and they will say, ‘The Lord is my God.’” – Zechariah 13:9

    So remember those promises, think on them, pray a lot, ask for a lot, and thank a lot and have faith…and it’s okay if you feel like you need to hunker down and pray for daylight in the in between; but keep doing the other stuff too!

    hopefully that was coherent and I didn’t make a fool of myself. i am much more tired than i normally am at stupid o’clock. anyway, <3 you.

  4. Hi Torrie, all my best to you. We have a very high deductible policy so I’m used to having to pay Dr. bills. Even if you have to put them on a credit card, I’m sure you know that your son’s health come first. Sending lots of good love your way.

    • Me again. I do want you to know that I’m very sad for your situation.The responsibility of children hit me hard after years of stupid freedom.

      I perceive you have an incredible family that will be as happy to help you as you are happy when you help your son.

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