This Isn’t A War

I guess I have to go there.

I think the term “mommy wars” is completely absurd. I understand why people use it. Some moms talk like they would die for their causes.  But I hope I’m not the only mother or person else finds it slightly ridiculous and more than a bit insulting. I have opinions. Strong opinions that are rooted in my value system. I am not dropping bombs (figurative or literal) on moms who disagree with me and leaving their children orphans. I will suffer a fair amount of pain for some issues. (Hello, drug free child birth!) But not from you! Other issues I won’t suffer a paper cut for.

mom-toddler-reading

Yes, I feel that unless you are physically unable, you should breastfeed. I also think babies should be respected despite the fact that they aren’t born yet. They have shouldn’t be subjected to unnecessary drugs so that I can avoid a few hours of pain. There are exceptions to all these things. I don’t feel strongly one way or the other about vaccinations or the GMO/organic debate, issues for which some moms might take a bullet. Other moms refuse to post pictures of their kids online. Ok, great. That’s awesome that you respect your child so much! For us, that’s just not reality.

The point is, ALL of these things are opinions. You don’t like what I think? Who cares? I’ve done my research. You’ve done yours. Why do we have to start taking everyone else’s decisions to do things differently like it’s a personal attack? Why do we have to attack people who choose do things differently?

Here’s the deal. I’m not going to start a war. I’m not participating in war. I often make a racket; it’s just my personality to want to make a lot of noise. I want you to hear me. Just like you want me to hear you. I won’t necessarily respect your opinions – I’m just gonna be honest about that. But unless it’s my personal facebook page or blog, I’m not running around telling you how to give birth, what to feed your kid or when they can get shots.

My opinion is just that – mine. It should not make you insecure.

You should feel just as strongly that your planned induction and formula are the right choice for your baby as I feel that my intervention-free birth and breastmilk are for mine. Don’t make choices that you can’t support. If my options were formula or my son wasting away, I’d choose formula too!

Disagree with me? Cool. We can still be friends! I’m not sending anyone home in a casket. So don’t act like I’m a part of your downfall or a part of your war. Don’t imply that because I believe differently that I’m intentionally attacking your choices. There are no uniforms or tanks at my house. There shouldn’t be any at yours. Moms who drink soy milk and babies who were born via c-section are welcome at our house every day of the week!

(Picture found here.)

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under personal

Kids, Blame Games and Youth Ministry

I know I talk about this topic a lot and sort of beat youth pastors over the head for dismal portrayals of the Gospel. I should repent for that – it’s really not my place. It is terribly frustrating for me to see that 30% or less of children raised in your neighborhood youth ministry continue to attend church as an adult and this frustration has turned into a blame game on my part. But as a parent, I now realize that it is not just the youth pastors’ fault that kids are not attending church as adults. It is our fault. God is not going to hold youth pastors accountable for the actions of their former flock. He is going to hold dads accountable primarily. Statistically, if a dad does not attend church, his children will not either, regardless of other variables (mom attending, mom not attending, etc.) This is a very sobering thought for me as a mom.

response

This video from The Gospel Coalition discusses that topic and I was very convicted by it. If you have kids who you want to follow Jesus as adults, please watch it.

(Photo found here.)

Leave a comment

Filed under personal

I Just Needed To Vent

The average birth in the United States costs something like $11,000. The average c-section is twice that. Hello, you can buy a brand new car for that kind of money or have a decent down payment on your house. What kind of service do you think you should be receiving when five figures are involved? 

Image

According to the WHO, Estonia has better birth outcomes than the US. ESTONIA. And yet when a mom educates herself and walks into her OB’s office with a birth plan, they have the audacity to roll. Their. Eyes. Are you freaking kidding me?! I read recently that between 1991 and 2010, the maternal death rate in this country went up by 50%. FIFTY. (And I have no problem blaming the hospital system for this because *maybe* 1% of births occurred outside of a hospital during this time period.)

What I am telling you is this: if you actually give a damn about what they plan on doing to your body and your baby, they will be annoyed with you. They will not respect you. Sure, you have to fill out eight pages of paperwork before they see you. Anecdote: during the first 20 weeks of my pregnancy, I spent all of 15 minutes actually talking to my OB. Who I eventually dumped in large part because every time I talked to her she brought up termination. Don’t even get me started on the fact that she did not bother to ask if terminating was an option for us. This is what I mean. Absolutely no respect.

I’m sure all of you are going to write back with how well you were treated during your prenatal trips and hospital delivery and that’s all fine and good. Despite the fact that you were happy with your service (“I survived labor and delivery!” gets 4 out of 5 stars these days, and moms that don’t survive sadly can’t participate in the polling) the stats are clear that the American hospital system is failing women.

But what do I know? I’m not a doctor! So just, you know, ignore the data and don’t bother educating yourself. And definitely let them do whatever the hell they want to you and your child. Most likely, your doctor won’t give a damn about what you think even if he or she lacks the testicular fortitude to tell you that upfront.

3 Comments

Filed under personal

Big Families

My husband makes fun of me for my long showers. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I realized I take long showers because growing up, the shower was the only place I could be in the entire house without hearing anyone else. I wouldn’t leave until the hot water was completely gone.

big-family

As a kid, I always wanted to have a large family of my own. I’m the eldest of five and always just assumed I would have more than that. I have no clue why. I grew to abhor the constant noisy chaos of a house that regularly had at least eight children running around. I always wanted my own space and daydreamed of being an only child in a quiet house.

Then I had my own child. It was shocking to say the least. I knew I could deal with the constant waking up and even the crying. But the birth, recovery and learning how to breastfeed were overwhelming. I was convinced I would never have another child for months. However, with some time and gained perspective, things have changed.

Recently, I started nannying for three boys – a 7 year old and twin 5 year olds. Every day Dillin and I head over to their home and live life over there. It has been a really eye opening experience. My first day I was pretty scared that I would quickly be overwhelmed and overrun by boys whose needs I couldn’t meet in an instant. But I have slowly been finding my groove and this last week it hit me. I could totally do this. Four boys? Cake. Girls? I’m still not convinced! But we’ll see.

Experience breeds confidence. That is an important lesson that I need to carry over into my parenting as well. Letting (or making!) Dillinger take the lead and figure things out for himself will produce a lot of great skill. One of my friends in Yakima has 7 kids. I know most moms nowadays would probably die at the the prospect as they can barely handle their own two! No, big families are not for everyone. Kids are not for everyone. But I’m slowly starting to accept the idea of a big family for me.

Picture found here.

1 Comment

Filed under personal

Rediscovering Veggies

Sorry I have been neglecting my blog lately! Lots of transition and planning going on over here. I have definitely been slacking off. There are several drafts of blog posts just sitting, as I have started quite a few without ever finishing them. Hopefully I can get back on the right track here.

I have a confession. I preach a lot better than I practice. Especially when it comes to food. I know how I am supposed to eat from a scientific perspective (none of that low-fat nonsense the government pushes) and I talk about it a LOT but actually following through? That’s a little tough. It’s not because I don’t want to, or even because I’d rather eat junk. I’d always rather eat clean! I’d happily take steamed broccoli and fish over a fast food burger or a low fat yogurt.

Something had to change! Almost everything packaged or processed has soy in it. Even a regular loaf of bread has a ton of chemicals you can’t read or define to keep it fresh. I’m not interested in soy or chemicals. Look at our skyrocketing cancer stats if you think the way we as a culture have been eating is healthy.

So I went to the grocery store and loaded up on veggies. Didn’t even buy any protein. (Though you can see, I almost cleared the place of all the paleo variations of LARA Bars.)

photo 1The couple in front of me in line said I was putting them to shame. I didn’t even know what to say! Though I did seriously consider plugging paleo. The man looked like he loved him some red meat and wouldn’t be even remotely interested in a “diet”. I just smiled and nodded. You can’t even see the greens in this pic. I was pretty impressed with myself honestly. But I still needed to turn all my veggies INTO something.

Pulling some inspiration from Ellie Heidel’s instagram feed, I successfully pulled together two completely paleo dishes. In fact, I’ve eaten veggies with every meal, haven’t had meat in several days and haven’t even suffered from the low carb flu that affects so many people starting out in paleo.

With a few fresh, simple ingredients, it’s really easy to eat yummy, healthy meals that are free from grains, sugar, soy and chemicals. I’m hooked!

photo 2

Brussel sprouts, onions sauteed with olive oil, butter, salt and pepper + sweet potato hash, topped with avo.photo 3

My first blood orange! Is there supposed to be a difference in taste? I could barely tell. photo 4

Sauteed red cabbage, yellow squash, onions with cilantro and garlic. A bit of s+p, a splash of fresh lemon juice. More sweet potatoes.

Hope you have a happy, veggie-powered Monday!

1 Comment

Filed under personal

Apologies For The Cuss

fatfree

But this is SO true. Eat fat. Because real food > chemicals.

1 Comment

Filed under personal

Back To Work

N is back to work and it’s kind of annoying!! :) I loved having the last 4 weeks to just hang out with him and Dillinger. No jobs to set alarms for every morning, no real agenda during the day. Someone to play with D while I shower! (BEST.)

But praise The Lord for gainful employment. Did you know the Bible is the only holy book that speaks highly of hard work? I think that is amazing. I’m thankful for a husband who wants to work and provides for his family.

Dillinger and I walked to the park, and he got to swing for the first time! He seemed like he enjoyed it, too. He KO’d on the walk back, which was nice too. He’s been taking long naps lately which led me to realize – mom fail – that he’s probably spent a ton of his life this far being cranky because he needed more sleep. Oops. Sorry, Bug! I’ll try to get your naps in from now on :) We also practiced sitting!

20130212-215955.jpg

20130212-220012.jpg

Leave a comment

Filed under personal